ALL THAT AND A BAG OF NUTs

By L. M. O’Neal

“Oh so troubling are the holidays to a romantic Heart.” LM O’NEAL

The next one; Valentines Day! This is another opportunity to become more thoughtful or less. Well gentlemen, “Man Up and Battle Stations”. To what is the alarm being sounded for, you ask?

On February 14th, the love of your life or main squeeze will be expecting something personal or private from you that is only for her. That could vary as widely as the stars in the sky. However, You Dear Man, must figure out what it is that gives her that inner warm glow. Discovering what elevates her heart beat “is the cause for alarm”. Get  it right and “YOU’RE THE MAN”. Get it wrong and you are the turd that she’s stuck with.

By the way, some of you guys may have the kind of woman you would be wise to dump immediately and before V. D. Day. These women have negative attributes that some shrinks fear to entangle.

The first one of these are the Female Assassin capable of killing your hopes, dreams, will and desire. She can do it all and still keep a smile on her face and make the grocery list while making “Wild and Passionate Love” to you.

Second, you have the Villainous Female which is first Cousin to Mayhem. If something goes wrong, its your fault or she will say it is. Or you are the cause of the problem. This one is particularly dangerous around Valentines Day. If she doesn’t get chocolates, jewelry and roses, you will be the weiner on the grill come 4th of July. Thats right, months and months of torment.

But if you have one of those ladies of DECEPTION you are in deep Doo Doo. This third type is emotionally dangerous. You may know she is lying to you on a regular basis about almost any and everything. But she is just so incredible you don’t think you can live without her. News Flash! Are you sure you want to live with someone who lies more often and better than you? Think about it. You may tell “Little white lies” that will get you in the dog house when she discovers you lied but, it’s worth the risk. She on the other hand, loves to be DECEPTIVE.

However, Deceptive keeps bad company with Vindictive. This is type number four and I pray you are not the poor slob with one of these. Vindictiveness is not human, she only appears to be. She may appear to be beautiful, sexy and smart in the beginning but, what you fail to understand is she’s extremely dangerous as you will discover.

Vindictive will warmly accept your flowers, candies and jewelry. She will shower you with words and actions of appreciation while planning ways to make you pay for some real or imagined wrong you’ve done in the distant past. This offense committed or not committed by you is one she hopes you’ve long forgotten, but she hasn’t. When she feels the time is right, she will have her revenge. This opens the door for number five, MS Sociopath.

MS Sociopath is more dangerous than any of the afore mentioned. First you must understand what a Sociopath is. By definition a sociopath will hurt whom ever they have to, go where ever they think they need go and do what ever is required to get what they want. They have no regard for feelings of others nor the consequences of their actions and decisions. She lacks concern or care about she actions on others.

For example, if she decides you should get the promotion into management, she could find a way to have sex with your boss and then black mail him or her into giving you the promotion. And do so with no regrets. She got what she wanted which was you a promotion. Keep in mind however, this act or similar actions will also screw you. This type believes in and often practices “CATCH AND RELEASE”. Having you is just part of her personal gain.

Speaking of sex. We also have the Cougar. She is number six and usually appears  polished, poised, stylish and has her own kind of attractiveness. She will mentally and emotionally eat your heart and soul before you can get out of bed.

Cougars are often “women older than their prey”.  They are on the prowl day and night. They are always watching for that tasty “underling to be cradled, nurtured, possessed, controlled and if necessary, consumed.” In most cases the poor guy won’t know what hit him. Before he knows it, she is all over his life, his lifestyle and controlling it and him. She will gladly take his gifts, candies and flowers. Then she will skillfully instruct him on the ones he should have gotten her.

Cougars can be a lot of fun and danger. If they know you know their scheme and what she is capable of, they usually move with more caution. This way the relationship last longer and they have a challenge.

The bottom line is Valentines Day is coming and you need to pay attention to your lady now. Try to determine what will make her proud. If you can afford  to give a gift that is specificlly for her. Please guys – don’t buy her chocolates if she is dieting. Like I said if you get it right, “YOU’RE THE MAN!”

If you think it don’t matter what she wants or how she feels about your gift or lack thereof, you aren’t worth having anyway. Good Luck, and Happy Valentines Day.

Don’t Forget its Cold Outside

By L. M. O’Neal

February 14th is fast approaching, or have you missed the hints of your spouse, mate or significant other. You know, those little comments like; “oh that’s so cute” or “hey, that is so cool”. Comments such as these made over the same thing every time it’s near or done or seen COULD BE A HINT. Which means it could be a clue not to be ignored.


Did you inquire as to why it was cute or cool, or did you just continue on as though nothing was said? Do you really thing she didn’t notice?

If she did, you may be on your way to experiencing the “outside cold”, instead of the inside warmth on Valentine Day. But, why does that matter? I am glad you asked.

Valentine Day, also known as “V – DAY”, is a day that has been missed by more men than can be counted. It is almost as dangerous as missing “Her Birthday” but, none are nearly as fatal as missing “The Anniversary”.

tights_sale

Let’s break it down to Guy Logic. Valentines Day is a celebrating day for women, mostly. It’s the day they show the world they know how to be chased until they catch the guy they wanted. This is also the day their peers are supposed to be envious, particularly if they haven’t been so fortunate.

It is also a day of celebration for the guys to say “I am so glad I caught you”. That is why flowers and candy sales go through the roof. It is also a day for those forgetful, like me, to redeem themselves for what they failed to offer as Christmas Presents and Gifts to “Her”.

Eco-Elegant Bouquets

If it would help keep you guys out of trouble, preorder flowers for her now. Do it today. This way, they are delivered on time and on the right day. You can even have candy or nearly anything else delivered to your #1 Lady.  And, REMEMBER IT IS NOT YOUR DAY, IT IS HERS. NOW GET IT RIGHT.

Bottom line is this. If you forget that February 14th is Valentines Day, you deserve to be in the dog house for a while. And, yes. “It is cold outside” when you are the reason she has cooled off for you.

 

A Man Only Does Two Things Wrong

You Are Not Alone Unless You Choose To Be.”

By L. M. O’Neal

Men know it’s tough to be a man and not just a male. To be honest, it’s just as hard for men to be men as it is for women to be women, in different kind of way.

For example, women will tolerate almost crazy pain and constraints to look beautiful or what her friends and she think of as beauty. Add her favorite guy to the mix and you have self-induced torture for beauty. Yet, some men seem to think it’s the way to be, that is, trying to be like women.

Now on the other hand, men have been known to endure untold dangers and hardships, even death to save or protect the woman of their heart. However, it’s not necessary to defend until death in most cases, but back to the topic.

Men of the past often planned to have a family and planned ways to take care of them because they learned early, the family is his responsibility. He is responsible for keeping a roof over their heads. It is his responsibility to provide and protect his family. He knew it was his responsibility in all areas concerning his family. And he especially knew she, that woman willing to share her life, love and body with him as his wife, well, all of her was his responsibility.

His concern was every breath she took, every step she made, and every meal she ate. He knew she was the other half of him, be it good or bad. And then things changed.

Almost overnight and certainly within one generation, she became equally responsible for everything and in many ways, the woman was put above all living things. This was done with a shout and a scream in the face of actions and consequences.

This was promoted by the government and the more Liberal edges of society. They said, “Woman, you don’t need no stinking man. We will take care of you.  You can make it on your own and that is true, most women can. You can “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let him forget he’s a man”. That was a line to a popular commercial for years in the 70’s. But, here is what they didn’t tell her.

When your babies come and no man is there, she must be the man and the woman, father and mother no matter how tired and sick she feels. Society’s promoters of feminism and women’s rights didn’t tell her how lonely it would be to be a professional and career woman without a family. They didn’t tell her about the prison of old age when you are alone, unmarried, and without children. They lied and far too many bought the lie. So, what good is a man?

It should be accepted, men are not women. Men are differently designed to accomplish different things in different ways. For example, in the case of most men, if he wants to move the sofa from one side of the room to the other, most if capable, would lift one end and drag it to the desired location. However, a woman may choose to sit on the floor and use her legs for the push power to move that same sofa. She may not have the upper body muscles to do the job, but those legs, oh yes they have it.

Men are held responsible for what happens in their homes by God more so than the government. This may not be to the liking to those not Christian, but that does not matter, he does none the less.

Though it may appear a man is not listening to his mate or spouse that does not mean he cannot hear. In fact, he hears nearly everything sees much more than is expected but, he may not react or respond.

And, when his decisions don’t meet the expectations of his spouse or mate, often times an old adage is deployed: “Women have many faults; men have only two; everything they say and everything they do.”

I hope this short piece was of some use. Women may not need men, and men may not need women but, to believe that is to put yourself on a deserted island and wonder why no one ever visits.

Note to consider: The ship returning to the real world will be departing at 2 P.M., 1600 hours. Ticket price will be paid with understanding; “You Are Not Alone Unless You Choose To Be.”

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Big day is here. Now, turn down or off your cell phones and spend quality time with your family and friends. If you are alone, go find some people and stop acting like the world has done you a Great dis-service. Unless you are homebound, injail or bed ridden, it is likely mainly your fault you are alone. Suck it up, say I’m sorry and enjoy the season. Remember, CHRISTMAS IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. REMEMBER THAT.

Touching Your “Junk”

Okay fellas; let’s get serious for a minute. Your “JUNK” is yours until you are “married”. Then it becomes hers as half owner and her stuff is half yours by marriage. No I am not going to get into a discussion on marriage that is for another post later.

Your Junk is private property. In fact it is personal and private property. It’s yours and you don’t want it messed with. That feeling is reasonable. However, this is about the mens room.

Some of you lack certain skills when it comes to taking a pee. It is clear, control of your Junk, Johnson, Winky, Ding-a-ling, man tool, or penis is in need of supervision. In other words, can’t you figure out how to hit an open crapper with the seat and lid up? Yes, I understand some of you haven’t seen that thing, by looking down in a long time. And, others don’t have much to look at but, hitting your piss target is an adult thing.

How do you like going into a public rest room and some guy has pissed all over the seat? It’s not very funny if you are the guy needing to take a crap. Precious moments are lost while the seat is made almost passable to get close to sitting on. Now, keep in mind, most normal thinking guys are not interested in handling your Junk. Most of us would get just as pissed as John Tyner did when the TSA showed just how perverted they were. I provided a link to the story. https://www.wired.com/2010/11/tsa-investigating-passenger/

Another problem with poor handling of your tool is your germs. The next guy to use the John usually does not know what kind of germs and diseases the last guy dropped off at the toilet when he took a tinkle. How would you like to be accused of cheating on your sweetie and giving her some kind of nasty bug, fungus or germ and you are innocent of fooling around with someone else. If that happens, you have your work cut out for you.

In other words, get your ‘Power tool” on target before you let the water fly. Most of us don’t want to share your germs and bodily fluids. If all else fails, sit down and pee. This may not be masculine but sitting on a hole that big, you got to hit it.

 

By, L. M. O’Neal

Players Beware – The Price May Be Higher Than You Think

You’ve survived High School and maybe even college, either way you’ve moved on into the

adult world of life. And now you think you are a player. Sorry guy but, if you think being

a player makes you a man, you are dead wrong. In fact, I will list a few things that does not

make you a man:

  • Being your babies daddy, but not its mothers husband.
  • Being the father of multiple babies by multiple women (not wife).
  • Being a girly fella and trying to keep it “DOWN LOW”.
  • PLAYING THE “KNOCK OUT GAME”, punk.
  • Disrespecting your elders and anyone else.
  • Beating on women, etc.

These are just a few ways to get disqualified for “MAN HOOD”. If you are doing these things plus,

have made -JAIL- YOUR SECOND HOME, means you are “NOT A MAN”, you are just a big boy.

The “Big Boy Problem’” I will discuss in a later post. Are these fighting words? Yes they are, but

not for the reason  you think.

Players are playing a losers game. A player does not gain respect, love or admiration from their

victims and not much from his “peep’s”. Unfortunately, the player finds the term, “dog” as favorable.

Being called a “Dog” really means you are out for yourself and will hurt anyone getting in your

way. It also means any woman desiring a deep relationship, should run far and fast away from you.

Yes I know it’s fun and it makes you feel strong, powerful and in control. Sorry again, but the

truth is all of that is short lived. You’ll feel like your on top of the world until that next “Incredible

specimen of the female body” walks by or catches your eye.

As a former “Dog”. I’M gonna’ make it real clear and simple. If you continue to be a dog, act like a

dog, one day  you will find yourself cover with the flees of regret as pointed out above in my bullet

points. Now, man up and get productive in something more than making babies and doing time.