ALL THAT AND A BAG OF NUTs

By L. M. O’Neal

“Oh so troubling are the holidays to a romantic Heart.” LM O’NEAL

The next one; Valentines Day! This is another opportunity to become more thoughtful or less. Well gentlemen, “Man Up and Battle Stations”. To what is the alarm being sounded for, you ask?

On February 14th, the love of your life or main squeeze will be expecting something personal or private from you that is only for her. That could vary as widely as the stars in the sky. However, You Dear Man, must figure out what it is that gives her that inner warm glow. Discovering what elevates her heart beat “is the cause for alarm”. Get  it right and “YOU’RE THE MAN”. Get it wrong and you are the turd that she’s stuck with.

By the way, some of you guys may have the kind of woman you would be wise to dump immediately and before V. D. Day. These women have negative attributes that some shrinks fear to entangle.

The first one of these are the Female Assassin capable of killing your hopes, dreams, will and desire. She can do it all and still keep a smile on her face and make the grocery list while making “Wild and Passionate Love” to you.

Second, you have the Villainous Female which is first Cousin to Mayhem. If something goes wrong, its your fault or she will say it is. Or you are the cause of the problem. This one is particularly dangerous around Valentines Day. If she doesn’t get chocolates, jewelry and roses, you will be the weiner on the grill come 4th of July. Thats right, months and months of torment.

But if you have one of those ladies of DECEPTION you are in deep Doo Doo. This third type is emotionally dangerous. You may know she is lying to you on a regular basis about almost any and everything. But she is just so incredible you don’t think you can live without her. News Flash! Are you sure you want to live with someone who lies more often and better than you? Think about it. You may tell “Little white lies” that will get you in the dog house when she discovers you lied but, it’s worth the risk. She on the other hand, loves to be DECEPTIVE.

However, Deceptive keeps bad company with Vindictive. This is type number four and I pray you are not the poor slob with one of these. Vindictiveness is not human, she only appears to be. She may appear to be beautiful, sexy and smart in the beginning but, what you fail to understand is she’s extremely dangerous as you will discover.

Vindictive will warmly accept your flowers, candies and jewelry. She will shower you with words and actions of appreciation while planning ways to make you pay for some real or imagined wrong you’ve done in the distant past. This offense committed or not committed by you is one she hopes you’ve long forgotten, but she hasn’t. When she feels the time is right, she will have her revenge. This opens the door for number five, MS Sociopath.

MS Sociopath is more dangerous than any of the afore mentioned. First you must understand what a Sociopath is. By definition a sociopath will hurt whom ever they have to, go where ever they think they need go and do what ever is required to get what they want. They have no regard for feelings of others nor the consequences of their actions and decisions. She lacks concern or care about she actions on others.

For example, if she decides you should get the promotion into management, she could find a way to have sex with your boss and then black mail him or her into giving you the promotion. And do so with no regrets. She got what she wanted which was you a promotion. Keep in mind however, this act or similar actions will also screw you. This type believes in and often practices “CATCH AND RELEASE”. Having you is just part of her personal gain.

Speaking of sex. We also have the Cougar. She is number six and usually appears  polished, poised, stylish and has her own kind of attractiveness. She will mentally and emotionally eat your heart and soul before you can get out of bed.

Cougars are often “women older than their prey”.  They are on the prowl day and night. They are always watching for that tasty “underling to be cradled, nurtured, possessed, controlled and if necessary, consumed.” In most cases the poor guy won’t know what hit him. Before he knows it, she is all over his life, his lifestyle and controlling it and him. She will gladly take his gifts, candies and flowers. Then she will skillfully instruct him on the ones he should have gotten her.

Cougars can be a lot of fun and danger. If they know you know their scheme and what she is capable of, they usually move with more caution. This way the relationship last longer and they have a challenge.

The bottom line is Valentines Day is coming and you need to pay attention to your lady now. Try to determine what will make her proud. If you can afford  to give a gift that is specificlly for her. Please guys – don’t buy her chocolates if she is dieting. Like I said if you get it right, “YOU’RE THE MAN!”

If you think it don’t matter what she wants or how she feels about your gift or lack thereof, you aren’t worth having anyway. Good Luck, and Happy Valentines Day.

Did She Like It

It is now a day or two after Christmas and things are a little cool between “your main squeeze” and you. In fact, she is down right “Pissed”. Now, why do you think that is?

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out, you probably screwed up on her gift. Yo’ Dude. Were you listening? Didn’t you catch her hints? How many times did she “uh and ah” over a piece of jewelry, blouse, pair of shoes or something else you would rather take table salt in the eye, than be caught buying.

If you missed her signals and she did not miss yours, you are an ignoramus. If not an ignoramus, then at least an idiot.

How could you not pay attention to the woman you are suppose to be in LOVE with. Did you forget she was not your pet but, is in fact your wife or significant other. Well, you are in the DOG HOUSE big time.

Don’t feel alone – you are not. Many of us men are in there with you. It seems most of us can not get all the desired gifts right. In fact, we are usually off the mark some of the time.

In a future post I will discuss ways to get out of the dog house and off the sofa. I myself have a special pillow and blanket just for the sofa which I will be using for a while. I too missed the mark this Christmas. “Baby it’s cold outside.”

Don’t Forget its Cold Outside

By L. M. O’Neal

February 14th is fast approaching, or have you missed the hints of your spouse, mate or significant other. You know, those little comments like; “oh that’s so cute” or “hey, that is so cool”. Comments such as these made over the same thing every time it’s near or done or seen COULD BE A HINT. Which means it could be a clue not to be ignored.


Did you inquire as to why it was cute or cool, or did you just continue on as though nothing was said? Do you really thing she didn’t notice?

If she did, you may be on your way to experiencing the “outside cold”, instead of the inside warmth on Valentine Day. But, why does that matter? I am glad you asked.

Valentine Day, also known as “V – DAY”, is a day that has been missed by more men than can be counted. It is almost as dangerous as missing “Her Birthday” but, none are nearly as fatal as missing “The Anniversary”.

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Let’s break it down to Guy Logic. Valentines Day is a celebrating day for women, mostly. It’s the day they show the world they know how to be chased until they catch the guy they wanted. This is also the day their peers are supposed to be envious, particularly if they haven’t been so fortunate.

It is also a day of celebration for the guys to say “I am so glad I caught you”. That is why flowers and candy sales go through the roof. It is also a day for those forgetful, like me, to redeem themselves for what they failed to offer as Christmas Presents and Gifts to “Her”.

Eco-Elegant Bouquets

If it would help keep you guys out of trouble, preorder flowers for her now. Do it today. This way, they are delivered on time and on the right day. You can even have candy or nearly anything else delivered to your #1 Lady.  And, REMEMBER IT IS NOT YOUR DAY, IT IS HERS. NOW GET IT RIGHT.

Bottom line is this. If you forget that February 14th is Valentines Day, you deserve to be in the dog house for a while. And, yes. “It is cold outside” when you are the reason she has cooled off for you.

 

Yo’ Dud – Pay Attention

By L. M. O’Neal

It is now New Year’s Eve, Great, Now what? If you are going out tonight and ring in the New Year, “pay attention to what you are doing, where you are and who is around you.” Especially, pay attention to the lady with you, if you have one.

Women are weird. They literally feel your vibrations, (attitude) what you are really saying or doing. You are going to have to focus on her, so that she FEELS you are with you.

Here is the danger, if you are not focused on her, why should she be focused on you. You are “dis-ing her”. You are making her not feel important. She should dump you like dump you like a busted shoe. This means you have become a liability to her, her dreams and her goals.

Keep this in mind; if you want her to need you – you better make her feel and believe you need her. The truth is, you really do. Man is incomplete without a “good woman. Are you a “Good Man”? Prove it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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Get Out of the Dog House Card

By L. M. O’Neal

You didn’t quite get it right. In fact, you totally screwed up and she is angry enough to eat the car door and spit nails at you. Yes, you got busted and you are now “locked in the dog house.” So, what now?

First of all, man up and apologize for your screw-up. Yes, that means those other two words need to come out of your mouth. What other two words? “I’m Sorry.”

That’s right, say I’m Sorry and mean it, and then get busy putting things right. But how doI do that, you say. Well that depends on what you got caught at. If it involved money; spending too much? Solution; cut your spending habits in half and put the other half into quickly paying something off.

If it involves another woman, well, that is tricky and a mine field. You’ve already stepped on one or more but, it may be in your best interest to focus all “your none working time” attention on your family and main squeeze, wife or girlfriend. Now, work some “US Time” into what you’re doing.

How do I define “US TIME”? Take her someplace for just the two of you. You don’t have to go out of state. US TIME can be in a nearby town or city. I would suggest reserving some time at a Bed and Breakfast. To help get you out of the dog house or have a couple of private days together. Look into the link provided and focus on her. Now, let’s fix this.

Plan Your Next Romantic Getaway with BedandBreakfast.com

If my suggestions are not enough, I’ve found a link that may offer more suggestions. When you finally get out of the dog house, try to stay out for a while.

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-7-ways-to-get-out-of-the-doghouse.html

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Big day is here. Now, turn down or off your cell phones and spend quality time with your family and friends. If you are alone, go find some people and stop acting like the world has done you a Great dis-service. Unless you are homebound, injail or bed ridden, it is likely mainly your fault you are alone. Suck it up, say I’m sorry and enjoy the season. Remember, CHRISTMAS IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. REMEMBER THAT.

23rd Hour and Now You Must Scramble

By L. M. O’Neal

Gentlemen, as of the writing of this post, 14:50 on the 24th of December, which is Christmas Eve, You only have a few hours to acquire the Christmas gifts you are supposed to have. If you have not already secured those prized possession, it is now scramble time.

If you don’t have the money to buy gifts, pawn one of your prized possessions. Why? If she does not get a gift, you will know first-hand the temperature outside of romance.

If you have nothing to pawn, raid your private stash; in fact get busy rolling those pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. With good fortune, you will end up with a few dollars up to a couple of hundred.

What I’m saying is, don’t let the clock strike midnight and your tree does not have a gift for her underneath.

In my next post I will be making suggestions for not getting caught like this, (by the short hairs) again next year. Now get off your assets, tell your street buds to chill for a while unless they’ve got a yard to spot you and get it done before someone else looks a lot more appealing than you.