Informing The Gender

By M’s Roni,

“Contributing Author”

Sometimes it pays to get information from the other gender.

I’m sure you ladies have heard from your other half about the advice my other half shares, usually about how to stay out of the dog house.

I am turning the wheel in a different direction however

The other day Larry and I were talking as we enjoyed our morning cup of coffee together. We were discussing World Events when out of the blue Larry begins telling me about guys in Europe having female robots.  He said they are beautiful, work hard to please their man, do all the daily chores and at the end of the day when night shadows fall she cuddles close and never complains about having a headache. Now these dependable, beautiful, long suffering, and free from all unfavorable incidents or  “even headaches” are not yet completed , as I was just informed.  However, I have also been informed by my dearest that men are chewing at the bit to get their hands on one of these wonderful bags of wires, bolts and bytes,who is every man’s dream come true

A woman who is up bright and early wearing only a short gingham apron around her perfectly formed body, preparing his breakfast, serving him a cup of hot brew and a glass of his favorite juice while he lingers in bed still salivating about the romantic, long legged, buxom woman wearing only her light olive skin, glistening from the sweet smelling oil she applied just before lowering herself into his bed. This rag-tag creature from cyber space has no scruples. She is playing in the same bed this man once shared with his wife.

After he showers he dresses in the clothing she has meticulously placed on the bed for him.  She, with precision movements prepares his food and places his to order eggs bacon and a fruit bowl lnfront of him. He doesn’t have to ask for a second cup of coffee, she already has it poured and placed on the table. Imagine that!

She rushes to get dressed before he finishes his meal so she can stand faithfully by the door like a stray dog, until he has his overcoat on, his briefcase in hand, and then in her raspy voice she tells him to have a good day.  She tippy toes to give him a good bye kiss.

She shops early at the local grocery store in order to find the freshest cuts of meat and fresh fruits and vegetables. On her way home she stops by the local car wash and has the car detailed. She stops by the dry-cleaners and grabs His suits . She checks her memory board to make sure she’s forgotten nothing.  When he returns home to an immaculate house, his bath is drawn. She bathes him, wraps him in a terry cloth robe and leads him to the dining room table where she serves him an eloquent

meal with his favorite glass of wine. She is wearing a French hostess outfit, her wavy dark hair pulled seductively to one side. She bends slightly in front of him, exposing her cleavage.

He saves money because he never has to take her out on a date night. She never complains about not having the latest clothing, jewelry or gadgets. She is priceless.

I have been told some men are planning on divorcing their wives and getting their dibs in on one of these wire heads before the ink dries on the divorce papers.

If Europe has them on the assembly line,it won’t be long before they plug in (punt intended) to the US of A.

I cannot possibly keep up with this mechanical nympho, built to order, who still has time to run errands, cook meals, clean house and romp in the bed room; without love, care, expectations or hope.

As I said earlier, this should be a concern to every depraved housewife who sometimes has headaches, or even backaches from working both inside and outside the home, who runs errands, cares for the children and somehow finds time to spend some playtime with hubby…but I be damn if I am going to bathe a grown man and wrap him in a terry cloth robe. He is grown, let him do some things for himself…however, I am not a jealous woman, but at this point I am concerned, knowing that for just a few thousand dollars I can be replaced by a mechanical bimbo who needs plugged into a circuit in order to get plugged.  Don’t you ladies feel we have concerns?

What an insult to the female gender!! Are you ladies pondering what our humanistic instincts are telling us? We need to quickly encourage our loved ones to get off the grid…you know, return to primitive times…no electricity! Are you getting my drift? Let me know how it works out for you. I refuse to allow a programmed , over sexed robot take my place. Action ladies! I will pull her hair out by the roots…I mean wires.

Happy New Year y’all.

Get Out of the Dog House Card

By L. M. O’Neal

You didn’t quite get it right. In fact, you totally screwed up and she is angry enough to eat the car door and spit nails at you. Yes, you got busted and you are now “locked in the dog house.” So, what now?

First of all, man up and apologize for your screw-up. Yes, that means those other two words need to come out of your mouth. What other two words? “I’m Sorry.”

That’s right, say I’m Sorry and mean it, and then get busy putting things right. But how doI do that, you say. Well that depends on what you got caught at. If it involved money; spending too much? Solution; cut your spending habits in half and put the other half into quickly paying something off.

If it involves another woman, well, that is tricky and a mine field. You’ve already stepped on one or more but, it may be in your best interest to focus all “your none working time” attention on your family and main squeeze, wife or girlfriend. Now, work some “US Time” into what you’re doing.

How do I define “US TIME”? Take her someplace for just the two of you. You don’t have to go out of state. US TIME can be in a nearby town or city. I would suggest reserving some time at a Bed and Breakfast. To help get you out of the dog house or have a couple of private days together. Look into the link provided and focus on her. Now, let’s fix this.

Plan Your Next Romantic Getaway with BedandBreakfast.com

If my suggestions are not enough, I’ve found a link that may offer more suggestions. When you finally get out of the dog house, try to stay out for a while.

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-7-ways-to-get-out-of-the-doghouse.html