By L. M. O’Neal

“Oh so troubling are the holidays to a romantic Heart.” LM O’NEAL

The next one; Valentines Day! This is another opportunity to become more thoughtful or less. Well gentlemen, “Man Up and Battle Stations”. To what is the alarm being sounded for, you ask?

On February 14th, the love of your life or main squeeze will be expecting something personal or private from you that is only for her. That could vary as widely as the stars in the sky. However, You Dear Man, must figure out what it is that gives her that inner warm glow. Discovering what elevates her heart beat “is the cause for alarm”. Get  it right and “YOU’RE THE MAN”. Get it wrong and you are the turd that she’s stuck with.

By the way, some of you guys may have the kind of woman you would be wise to dump immediately and before V. D. Day. These women have negative attributes that some shrinks fear to entangle.

The first one of these are the Female Assassin capable of killing your hopes, dreams, will and desire. She can do it all and still keep a smile on her face and make the grocery list while making “Wild and Passionate Love” to you.

Second, you have the Villainous Female which is first Cousin to Mayhem. If something goes wrong, its your fault or she will say it is. Or you are the cause of the problem. This one is particularly dangerous around Valentines Day. If she doesn’t get chocolates, jewelry and roses, you will be the weiner on the grill come 4th of July. Thats right, months and months of torment.

But if you have one of those ladies of DECEPTION you are in deep Doo Doo. This third type is emotionally dangerous. You may know she is lying to you on a regular basis about almost any and everything. But she is just so incredible you don’t think you can live without her. News Flash! Are you sure you want to live with someone who lies more often and better than you? Think about it. You may tell “Little white lies” that will get you in the dog house when she discovers you lied but, it’s worth the risk. She on the other hand, loves to be DECEPTIVE.

However, Deceptive keeps bad company with Vindictive. This is type number four and I pray you are not the poor slob with one of these. Vindictiveness is not human, she only appears to be. She may appear to be beautiful, sexy and smart in the beginning but, what you fail to understand is she’s extremely dangerous as you will discover.

Vindictive will warmly accept your flowers, candies and jewelry. She will shower you with words and actions of appreciation while planning ways to make you pay for some real or imagined wrong you’ve done in the distant past. This offense committed or not committed by you is one she hopes you’ve long forgotten, but she hasn’t. When she feels the time is right, she will have her revenge. This opens the door for number five, MS Sociopath.

MS Sociopath is more dangerous than any of the afore mentioned. First you must understand what a Sociopath is. By definition a sociopath will hurt whom ever they have to, go where ever they think they need go and do what ever is required to get what they want. They have no regard for feelings of others nor the consequences of their actions and decisions. She lacks concern or care about she actions on others.

For example, if she decides you should get the promotion into management, she could find a way to have sex with your boss and then black mail him or her into giving you the promotion. And do so with no regrets. She got what she wanted which was you a promotion. Keep in mind however, this act or similar actions will also screw you. This type believes in and often practices “CATCH AND RELEASE”. Having you is just part of her personal gain.

Speaking of sex. We also have the Cougar. She is number six and usually appears  polished, poised, stylish and has her own kind of attractiveness. She will mentally and emotionally eat your heart and soul before you can get out of bed.

Cougars are often “women older than their prey”.  They are on the prowl day and night. They are always watching for that tasty “underling to be cradled, nurtured, possessed, controlled and if necessary, consumed.” In most cases the poor guy won’t know what hit him. Before he knows it, she is all over his life, his lifestyle and controlling it and him. She will gladly take his gifts, candies and flowers. Then she will skillfully instruct him on the ones he should have gotten her.

Cougars can be a lot of fun and danger. If they know you know their scheme and what she is capable of, they usually move with more caution. This way the relationship last longer and they have a challenge.

The bottom line is Valentines Day is coming and you need to pay attention to your lady now. Try to determine what will make her proud. If you can afford  to give a gift that is specificlly for her. Please guys – don’t buy her chocolates if she is dieting. Like I said if you get it right, “YOU’RE THE MAN!”

If you think it don’t matter what she wants or how she feels about your gift or lack thereof, you aren’t worth having anyway. Good Luck, and Happy Valentines Day.